All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
