I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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