I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
