....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
