A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize