Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
