He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
