I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
