Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
