I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
