I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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