I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
