We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
