I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
