my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
it glows. i had to have it.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
