I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize