somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I am naked and annoyed.
how drunk are you?
Several
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
