Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
