I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
