Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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