how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize