But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize