i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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