Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
