i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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