Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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