the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
