Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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