we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
