Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
