One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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