You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
