I just pynch a tree in the face
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
