Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
