Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
