I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
