I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I hate all girls vehemently.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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