He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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