I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Boobs are out for the taking
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
