saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
