I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
