So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
