i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
