is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
