sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize