I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
