it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
