You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
