I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize