My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
