honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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