Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
