Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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