Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
