i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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