Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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