Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
