there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
