Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
