that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
