You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
