Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
