Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
