Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
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