she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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