I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
