two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
