2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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