They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
