Don't make out with my wife yet
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize