The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
