sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She told me I should be a condom model.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
