i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
