dude i'm inner monologue high
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
