Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize