Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
My balls are so social today.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
