lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
