Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
