I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
