My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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