I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
