dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
