Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
