Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm too high and old for this...
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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