Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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