the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
