That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize