Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
