I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
How does it feel to date your dad?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
