I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
