you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
