Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
