im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
