I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
