She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
