you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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