I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
