It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i wish my penis had a tongue
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize