i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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