oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
