Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
