i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
