mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
