Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Randomize
