Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
