I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
