We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
