Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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