I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
