TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
