btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
