forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
